The Dating Game

Geplaatst op 08-02-2023

This article was originally published on Loveawake CA dating site. Reprinted with permission from the author.

“Game” is defined as any behavior that generates attraction in women. It’s a catch-all used to describe a multitude of ways to attract women. The sheer number of different game tactics ensures confusion, but when you throw in the fact that game is a balancing act between opposing forces unique to each individual woman, game can get downright bewildering. To top it all off, there are tons of different ways to look at this dynamic. A few examples include:

Marriage 1.0: You have a good job, you’re not a total jerk, and you don’t beat your dog (or potential wife). Therefore, she should want you.

Alpha/Beta: You need to be Alpha to get a woman, but a little Beta to keep her. Except…are you Alpha with women or men? And how much Beta do you throw in?

Every Chick is a Slut: treat them accordingly.

Clearly, each has its own issues. Each has a grain of truth, however, which just adds to the complexity. So let’s start with what women want out of a relationship and work from there. Women want the most quality man they can extract commitment from. That sentence can break down into two parts: quality, and commitment.

This is where the Alpha/Beta continuum proves useful, because all game can be pegged somewhere on it. Quality = alpha, commitment = beta. Marriage 1.0? All commitment, not necessarily any alpha; beta game at its best. Every Chick is a Slut? Loads of alpha, but no commitment. Very much an alpha only type game. Alpha+Beta game is a great frame for long-term relationships because it has both traits, but you have to be careful about what you define as “alpha” behaviors.

Just so we’re on the same page, I want to make a detour into the vocabulary of Game. There is a distinction between types and tactics. Things get confusing when different types of game are mixed with different game tactics. Types include daygame, nightgame, churchgame, txt game, phone game, online game, indirect game, direct game, date game, married game, relationship game, etc. Tactics include the eternally misunderstood neg, backturns, cocky/funny, indicators of interest, rapport, comfort, kino, and whatnot. In general, a game “type” refers to an optimal blend of game tactics for a given situation. For instance, “provider game” is a type which requires lots of comfort and rapport. “Night game” is a type which requires the tactical use of negs, backturns, fast escalation, DHV’s, and more.

So what is alpha, and what is beta?

Alpha

When discussing alpha it’s helpful to remember that women decide what is attractive in men (and vice-versa), and for thousands of years they have reinforced the “tribal leader” traits. As a thought experiment, let’s discuss a hypothetical tribal leader named Adam.

Adam is the leader of his tribe. In order to figure out female attraction we need to know a) how he achieved and maintains his position b) the benefits accruing from it.

Adam achieved his position by dominating men. He was either the best athlete or near it, and he must also have been able to convince the other men that following him was better than the alternative. In other words, he dominated men both physically and socially and maintains his position by continuing to do so.

As the tribe leader, Adam receives certain immaterial benefits, ie choice in women. In non-monogamous societies, not only did he get to choose, but women would vie for his attention. If one irritated him, he could always drop her for another. That power, combined with constant attention, allowed Adam to develop extensive experience with women.

One more thing. As the leader, Adam was expected to make good decisions for the future of the tribe. If he became completely enrapt in the benefits of his position and ceased being the best leader of the tribe, he would be ousted. This is why women don’t like men without a vision for their lives; it’s too easy for those men to make the woman the vision, and both will suffer for it.

To sum up those three things in one word: confidence. Confidence in your ability to dominate men, confidence in your ability to handle women, and confidence in your ability to handle yourself. All of this confidence is rooted in some sense of reality. You cannot simply tell yourself to “be confident” because subconsciously, you’ll know it’s not true, and I’ve yet to discover a good way to trick yourself into believing lies.

Strong caveat: while it is attractive to women that you be dominant with men, it’s by no means necessary to getting the girl if you are “good with women”, ie you have understanding and experience in handling women. We’ve all seen that effeminate, skinny musician guy whose jeans are tighter than his girlfriend’s, but she’s super hot (assuming no fame involved). Understanding women is also the more efficient way to attract and keep hot women, but it’s debatable if you could ever be an apex alpha without the ability to dominate men. It’s still a big perk to women. This is exemplified in the hot wives of lame pastors. Those guys have no game, but they are leaders of men, so it balances out.

Great. So 5,000 years ago Alpha Adam was awesome. That doesn’t mean I’m recommending you wear a loincloth and learn to hunt with a spear to develop your game. Understanding Adam simply gives you the framework to understand the processes at work. Conveying your sense of alpha is the true essence of Game, and game is a necessary part of being a man. You can be a famous, wealthy male-model, but if you don’t have game, you’re still a chump*

Beta

In this case, “commitment” really means ability and desire to make a family with her. A guy’s alpha traits are great, but if he’s not going stay with the women/provide for her/be a good father, then he has short-term potential at best. Examples of beta include having a steady, decent job, the makings of a good dad, and a willingness to help her out when she needs it, ie when she’s a beached whale from pregnancy. Since most women say they want a family, kids, and a “stable” husband, most guys use their XY rationality to conclude that they need to demonstrate those traits in order to get a mate. Of course, when women say they want those things, what they really mean is that they want those things from a man who already has his alpha together. From Joe Schmoe, not so much.

A key point before we go any further: Alpha is not inherently better than beta. Beta game is just as necessary for stable long term relationships as alpha. The problem lies with the fact that the majority of men only have beta game, which means they need to learn alpha to bring things back into balance. Well, that and the fact that men are programmed to seek out the widest possible dissemenation of their genes, a trait only possible through alpha. However, being alpha is not about tricking a girl into sleeping with you (though it is possible to mimic alpha traits in the short term); it’s about conveying to her that you are what she is looking for so that she makes the decision to be with you.